Mutual Food For Thought

     I never imagined that parents could praise their children too much! The following information is from a child professional guest on The Today Show, and might be interesting food for thought... you decide... 

     How much praise is too much? Excessive praise, or the wrong kind, lowers your child's motivation, effort, and self-esteem.

Four signs you are praising too much:

1. Child is self-centered (me, me, me--forget about other team members).
2. Child becomes praise-dependent.
3. They get used to praise and expect accolades for every small thing.
4. They are too competitive and, tear down others.

Healthy ways to build up children:

1. Stress the effort rather than the end product ("My, how hard you are working!").
2. Use praise-free comments: "You did it all by yourself!" OR ask a question instead: "How did you get that bike all the way down the street without the training wheels?" "What excited you about that project?"
3. Switch your praise = "You should be proud of yourself" NOT "I'm so proud of you."

The best homes:

• Have equal parts of "I feel worthy" and "I also feel capable to handle life."
• Are less permissive.
• Have opportunities to be listened to and heard.

When using praise, be:

• specific
• short
• sincere

     Children need to figure things out for themselves. If something doesn't work out well, ask your child:  "What can you do different the next time?"

     The good news? Grandchildren NEED authentic Mothers-in-Law Mutual praise. One creative idea I learned from a well-seasoned Grandma: I tell my grandchildren: "I love you more than___________... (applesauce? cookies? brownies? furry kittens?)..." It is a fun back-and-forth activity, figuring out a word to fill in the creative blank.